All My Life

I often wonder if I lived another lifetime. Perhaps, ever since, I have tried to find my way back. Though it would not appropriately be said back but rather forward, to a point at which whatever it was that went wrong might be righted or completed. As if it represents a fulfilling of a promise previously thwarted by that darkness that seems always to wish the preventing of such things as love and joy and innocent desire.

At times I've thought I could hear him, from a distance, directing me to move this way or that, so that I might return to him or meet him on the path just ahead. Then the voice fades and seems to only echo off the canyon walls around me, making it all the more difficult to determine which direction I should take.

This feeling seems to reach back even to the foundation of the earth and as far ahead as eternity. But I am not in those places. I am here. I am now. It is today that this longing exists, and I am here in a form that fades day by day. I'm left to wonder and imagine the sparkle of an eye and whether time has taken too great a toll.

Yet, inwardly, I am still as I was then. In my mind's eyes I see only a girl skipping down sidewalks made from the light of stars with no worry of yesterday or tomorrow.

When was that other time? Was it behind or is it still forward? Did it pass and is lost forever? Or is it further along yet? These are questions I can't presently answer. For now, I suppose there is little to do but wait and hope to hear from which direction he is calling - if he is calling.

Has he travel too far ahead or stayed behind? Or it is I who advances too rapidly? With no sights or sounds to guide me, my wandering seems aimless. Am I standing at some cosmic fork in the road attempting to discern which way to turn or where to follow - how to follow?

In reality, to say that I often wonder if I lived another lifetime, or that I question who or what I was or what I will be, is less than true. Somewhere, deeply and inwardly, it is not so much a matter of questioning as it is a matter of accepting the awareness.

© Rachelle

Sia - "Not a Day too Soon"



Lyrics:
Pick me up in your arms
Carry me away from harm
You're never gonna put me down
I know you're just one good man
You'll tire before we see land
You're never gonna put me down

Oh I've been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day you're not day too soon

Honey I will stitch you
Darling I will fit you in my heart
Honey I will meet you
Darling I will keep you in my heart

You'll risk all this for just a kiss
I promise I will not resist
Promise you won't hold me down
And when we reach a good place
Let's be sure to leave no trace
Promise they won't track us down

Now I've been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah, I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day, you're not a day too soon

Honey I will stitch you
Darling I will feel you in my heart
Honey I will meet you
Darling I will keep you in my heart

I've been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day, you're not a day too soon

Oh honey I will stitch you
Darling I will feel you in my heart
Honey I will meet you
Darling I will keep you in my heart