I
guess my last post was a bit bleak sounding, even with all the talk of love and
light. Everything
is compounded now and it seems dark around me. I try to reach for the
light and hold onto the love. I want to. I'm trying to.
I
know I'll have days like that.. like these. I don't like them. I'd rather
focus on hope and truth and eternity.
My life goes. Though True Life isn't this life. I know this is some sort of life however and God has me here, for now. There must be something left to do or some task uncompleted. I have no idea what that is.
How do you take what you've learned about God and love and put it to work in your life, when it all seems so empty and dark?
I
have to remember, it's one day at a time. Perhaps even an hour at a
time. That's all I can do. Maybe I'm not supposed to do anything.
But there are voices within... reminders, encouragements and responses to my thoughts. Who knows for sure which are my own and which are God's and which are those of love that remains in my heart?
I want to write. I want to lay my thoughts and feelings out on paper, as I was encouraged to do so many times, but I can't quite get there. These posts illustrate the struggle well enough. There are simply too many things that I am not able to express. So I lay out all these words and sentences.
{sigh}
Today I'll attempt once again to decorate a tree. I have two small ones. One is artificial and has lights already on it. That will be my angel tree. Someone gave me a miniature live tree for my birthday and I'll decorate it with the various odd and end things, bears and hearts and trinkets that I have around here.
As for other goals, two are to be able to watch a movie, beginning to end, and enjoy it. The other is to be able to read a book again. I hear the encouragement and feel the nudging and prompting to do so. I will try. It's important and I understand why. I know it's true.
I am brought full circle. Back to "Who Am I Now"
I dreamed about a raccoon last night. I don't remember anything else, though I wish I did. I'm not remembering dreams well lately. But maybe the dream is a good sign. Someone once called me "the raccoon whisperer" That makes me smile a little. A slight smile, even if only inwardly, is a nice thing.
